Written by Daniel H.
Its not that I don’t want to be happy,
Despite how hard I try I cant bring myself to be happy.
I feel suffocated! Why did I have to be this way!
I have a great family, amazing friends, good academic results,
Yet all I see is sadness.
The pain, it hurts, it rips, it tears
All the lies about me, all the tears that come,
Every insult you throw kills me inside
But you’ll never know the pain and suffering,
that makes my heart black.
Its like there is a burden on me pulling me to the ground,
And however hard I try I can’t bring myself up to care.
Living has become this constant nightmare!
Society will tell me try exercising, go for a walk, try meditation.
No, I tell them, this cant be solved with treatment and medication,
it’s a disease that destroys my life, my relationship and my education.
And despite my best efforts to explain,
I’m always met with blind hesitation.
Friends ask me “Why are you always sad”.
I tell them I don’t know! I don’t know.
But I know that I wake up every morning
feeling like absolute shit and that’s become my foundation.
I’m afraid…I’m afraid to put my guard down and be judged
for something I couldn’t control.
Do you think I like to be ashamed, to hide it all away?
Yes, so I put up a wall that’s so tall
you couldn’t feel me suffer.
I create a character for myself.
He is perfect; invincible. And I carry on living
these two lives, one for society and one just
for me behind my bedroom door.
Cause that’s easier than admitting I have a problem.
Depression is the abyss inside of me and tears me to pieces constantly!
Instead of trying to fix me try to understand me.
The other day I was listening to Hopsin’s “Gazing at the Moonlight” album and he brought up a really important point in his song “Chris Dolmeth”. Though people tend to classify drugs and alcohol as black and white, either it’s good or bad, the world tends to have more than a few gray areas that we seemingly always end up in.
In “Chris Dolmeth”, Hopsin’s best friend started messing with the crystal and although the result was terrible as he ended up hurting his family, friends and selling his valuables for more drugs, in the short term it was really hard for anyone to see much danger in his use. He didn’t start out doing too much and it actually helped him focus on school, do his homework and just get motivated for his day.
Hopsin talks about how it was hard for him to justify helping his friend to stop doing crystal meth when it seemed to help him so much and might ruin their friendship if he tried. Although drugs might not terribly affect someone from the beginning, it’s almost guaranteed that they’ll be worse off in the long run.
As a friend or family member, although it might be hard and not seem worth the trouble, you need to lend a helping hand when drugs and alcohol get involved. Sometimes, it’s tougher to do the right thing than to go along with the crowd.
I turned on the radio on my way to school and as the music flowed through the car, I realized something. I realized that I had never thought about what most of the popular songs on the radio were really about. Sure, I knew the lyrics and listened to the songs all the time on my phone, but I had never taken a minute and really noticed that these artists were covering up lyrics about molly, sizzurp and weed with fancy beats and catchy choruses to distract us kids.
The best kind of propaganda is when you can pitch it to someone and they don’t even realize that it’s working its way into their head. Now, I’m not saying that these artists are trying to influence every kid to do drugs and drink alcohol, or anything of that nature, but we focus so much on the song without listening to what’s really being said, that it subconsciously ends up doing just that.
Inevitably most kids end up thinking that if all the dope rappers are doing it, why can’t we? Songs like Molly, by Tyga, can change the mood in a football locker room, pump you up for a workout or sound great on a party playlist.
All I’m trying to get across is that when you don’t take a minute every once in a while and think about what you’re listening to, it can subtly affect you and make you do things you normally wouldn’t. When little kids know all the words to Wiz Khalifa songs and sing about being drunk, young, wild and free, without really understanding the true meaning of the words, that shows you exactly how little people really know about the music they listen to. Truthfully that stuff has consequences too, but the songs such as Otherside by Macklemore tend not to get the popularity and radio time that the other songs do, simply because of the message they spread: a message that tells the truth about using and abusing drugs.
We need to acknowledge those messages just as much as the others, and I think it would really benefit us to just put aside a minute every once in a while to really think about what we’re listening to.
I stepped through the gate with the thought that the party would be no fun. How could I enjoy myself if I didn’t do drugs or drink, when everyone else around me would be gorging on both? Even worse, how could I keep myself from succumbing to the peer pressure that would undoubtedly surround and engulf me?
I entered the party, ducking under the puffs of weed smoke, past the beer pong table and grabbed a slice of pizza from the food table. Suddenly, I heard someone yell my name and turned around to see a group of my friends sitting at a table, inviting me over to hang out and just chill. Some of my friends were drinking of course, but the table was like a sanctuary to me, a place where I could hang out with my friends, laugh, talk, and mess around.
I walked in with all these preconceived notions and when I sat down, they were dispelled as quickly as they arose. Even though you can’t always avoid the drinking and drugs that happen at parties, talking or meeting up with a group of friends can be the perfect alternative. Hanging out with a group of guys who know you don’t mess around with stuff like drugs and alcohol, and can keep an eye out for you if things get out of hand is irreplaceable.
As the night went on, and people around us eventually got bored or burned out from the repetitions of beer pong, my friends and I only had more fun. We danced, talked, played basketball and just had a fun time. When the party ended there was no hangover, pain or worrying about parents we would have to deal with.
In all honesty, there’s not always a way to dodge alcohol and drugs when you hang out with other kids, but there’s no reason you can’t stay safe and still enjoy yourself if you want to stay sober.
And that is the TRUTH about parties.