Its not that I don’t want to be happy,
Despite how hard I try I cant bring myself to be happy.
I feel suffocated! Why did I have to be this way!
I have a great family, amazing friends, good academic results,
Yet all I see is sadness.
The pain, it hurts, it rips, it tears
All the lies about me, all the tears that come,
Every insult you throw kills me inside
But you’ll never know the pain and suffering,
that makes my heart black.
Its like there is a burden on me pulling me to the ground,
And however hard I try I can’t bring myself up to care.
Living has become this constant nightmare!
Society will tell me try exercising, go for a walk, try meditation.
No, I tell them, this cant be solved with treatment and medication,
it’s a disease that destroys my life, my relationship and my education.
And despite my best efforts to explain,
I’m always met with blind hesitation.
Friends ask me “Why are you always sad”.
I tell them I don’t know! I don’t know.
But I know that I wake up every morning
feeling like absolute shit and that’s become my foundation.
I’m afraid…I’m afraid to put my guard down and be judged
for something I couldn’t control.
Do you think I like to be ashamed, to hide it all away?
Yes, so I put up a wall that’s so tall
you couldn’t feel me suffer.
I create a character for myself.
He is perfect; invincible. And I carry on living
these two lives, one for society and one just
for me behind my bedroom door.
Cause that’s easier than admitting I have a problem.
Depression is the abyss inside of me and tears me to pieces constantly!
Instead of trying to fix me try to understand me.